think fast!

10/07

10:30pm

After laying in bed with a movie and Twistie bringing us both another half glass of juice, I couldn’t sleep. My stomach hurt and I was tossing and turning. Twistie’s allergies were really getting her good, I felt so badly. Ice packs over her soft skin to cool the itching down helped her sleep. I tried not to wake her with my tossing and turning. I remember thinking that some people go to bed like this and couldn’t get up into the kitchen or head to Jack in the Box (not something I would run for, but its food and available to me 24/7, easily within my financial realm) Its sad, and really makes me think..

10/08

5:45am

I don’t even feel hungry, which is normal for this time of day. I am tiered though, and I snooze the phone alarm until 6:20.

7:50am

At work now. Jose has never asked me if I've already gotten coffee so many times as he has today and yesterday. Maybe I just don’t notice, is all. No hungry pains, and not even a headache. My mouth tastes a little … filmy? In the shower this morning I did feel a little weak and I thought about ‘what if I slip and fall?’ but… that’s just my imagination that runs rampant. Twistie was so cute in bed today, like she is every day, laying still and being so warm. I have to be careful with the little scrub hairs on my face not to irritate her skin. I want her to take that medicine, somewhat, I hate seeing red welts all over her. This is the last day, and when she gets back from babysitting tonight, I will try to have some vegetables and foods ready.

8:35am

A huuuge rumble in my belly sends the headache right to the back of my head, just above my neck. Yuck. More water, even if the lemon from yesterday is much more sour. I brought that great orange juice w/pineapple in today but I want to save it for later as much as I can. My mouth felt so clean after brushing this morning.

8:50am

I want to eat dude. Its not a pain or anything, just an annoyance. Like… c’mon.

9:50am

I have seen plenty of small comics or jokes about people in the office making gross-smelling food and it wafting around, disturbing everyone and summoning up behind-the-back comments about this person or that person. Today, its different. Today there is toast in the air… and I want it. Kind of like the apple yesterday, I found myself standing in front of the toaster, only one side filled with bread (what a waste) in an empty kitchen. The boysenberry jelly Twistie got me seems to be the only thing I can think about here, as Lois walks in and asks why I'm starring at her toast. “How did I get in here?” I ask myself, not really knowing. I think on a walk from Andy’s office to mine, the wafting got me. Got me like some sort of wolf lifted right into the air by his nostrils and a pie. 

10:18am

Just got a call from the sweetest little baby. She isn’t doing as well today as yesterday. It seems like we are opposite; yesterday was my bad, headache  day and she was fine. Today, you guessed it, opposite. My arms feel super weak. I hope she goes home and eats..

10:52am

Baby girl is going to get some tea. And eat before she baby sits tonight. I'm really glad about that. I keep hoping she will call or text me and tell me she's going to eat something… because its almost lunch time.

11:33am

Between my office and Andy’s office is a little path between the back of filing cabinets and a row of cubicles. And there he was, walking towards me with a Mexican sweetbread (like a doughnut) covered in frosting and sprinkles. I know he is coming to give that sweet bread to me; with its picture of a friendly Mexican girl on it. I mean, the thing goes; sweetbread some sort of creamy frosting, another sweetbread then the frosting and sprinkles you would find on a typical sprinkles doughnut. Why today? Andy has never given me his sweetbread :/

12:11pm

Alonzo had Chili Cheese Fritos. Knowing that I am eating later tonight is harsh. I thought it would be funny to

cheating with that sweetbread… staring my in the face. I put a Kleenex over it.

12:29pm

Gosh damn. Someone has some soup that smells amazing in here. More wafting. Dang I wish she would call and declare LUNCH!

12:31pm

Heh, right what I typed the 12:29pm entry, I get a text, and before I open it I was hoping for a LUNCH! call. No such call, but little twistie is feeling good, and that’s good. Just a few more hours, I think…

1:06pm

I'm getting that juice going. Its …not food. Also, I read an article on Somalia pirates that linked me to some starving kid pictures. Great. Here I am complaining while I have food on my desk. I suck.

1:46pm

I cant wait to eat. I drew a picture of the salad I'm going to make for me and the beautiful Twistie when I get home. I love her more because of this experience. I can tell.

2:40pm

I keep associating 3:30 (going home from work time) with Eating Time, and I need to stop. That’s just part one of Eat Time, and there isn’t any eating in there. On the way home I will snatch up some amazing whole foods and have monster salad ready for Twistie when she gets home. Eating Time menu? water/juice, mushrooms, tomatoes, apples, peppers (red). For me, cheese. Twistie said that I should watch the cheese, but grated finely shouldn’t hurt. Also; ranch for me. For her, there are several different dressings already at home. Man, I cant wait to break bread with her.

3:20pm

The copy machine is in a cubicle by itself. After using it I leave the cube, turn to my right and BAM! a co-worker scares me. It got me good, I totally didn’t expect it. But boy… did it my make stomach hurt. I laughed, of course. It was funny and it hurt.
3:45pm
After leaving work its straight to the grocery store. Twistie and I talked about a salad. Whole food salad. Here's what I got; gala apples, mushrooms, tomatoes, a red pepper, cheese (for me), ranch (for me) and some grapes. I like to cook and while I do I eat. This was very, very hard NOT to do. When I was tearing the lettuce up, I was on the phone with my grandma and almost stuffed a leaf in my mouth. I literally caught myself before I did something i would have... well, spit out. Cutting this food up was a task too. My mouth felt like it was tied shut; my hand tried so many times, with each ingredient, to take a taste. Its not even that I'm hungry, its that this is a habit.


Which brings me to what Ive learned from this really. I'm not hungry, right now. I haven't had anything except water with lemon and some juice, maybe 1 cup per day, for the last two days. I really don't feel hungry. I feel barely worn out, even. Is eating something that doesn't need to really happen 3 times a day? I feel like myself with everyone Ive ever known pretty much takes it as fact that eating happens three times a day. How come we have breaks just for eating? No stretch breaks or play breaks. Obviously food is important, no doubt, but maybe Ive been taking more then my share.